Family Therapy Benefits for Addiction Treatment
The National Council on Alcoholism and Drug Dependence calls addiction a family disease because it affects every family member and the family as a unit. The connection between addiction and family dysfunction is well-established, and family therapy is widely used in high-quality addiction treatment programs to address a wide range of family issues and restore function to the family system.
During treatment, family therapy typically starts after the addicted family member has made some progress in recovery. This could be several weeks or months after treatment starts. During early treatment, the focus is on helping the addicted family member develop new lifestyle changes and new patterns of behavior. Adding family therapy to the mix too early can be overwhelming for the person in recovery. Family therapy is most productive and helpful once the person in treatment is committed to the recovery process.
Who Is the Family in Family Therapy?
There is no single definition of “family.” Families are connected by their alliances, usually by blood, and almost always by powerful emotional ties. Family can be defined according to an individual’s closest emotional connections. Whether or not these connections are traditionally considered “family,” these are the people who should be considered for participating in family therapy.
According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, three broad categories encompass most families:
- Traditional families, which include heterosexual couples and their children, single parents, blood relatives, adoptive families, foster families, grandparents raising their grandchildren and step-families.
- Extended families, which include aunts, uncles, cousins, grandparents and other relatives.
- Elected families, which are self-identified and joined by choice rather than blood, marriage or law. For many, the elected family is more important than biological family ties. Examples of elected families include emancipated youth, godparents, gay and lesbian couples with or without children and other non-biologically related people who have strong emotional ties.
Ultimately, a family is a system, and the overarching goal of family therapy is to strengthen the system and bring balance and function to the family unit.
How Addiction Affects the Family
Addiction puts enormous stress on the family, affecting its stability, unity, physical and mental health and finances. When a family member has an addiction, it’s difficult to establish and maintain normal, healthy routines when these are constantly being interrupted by unsettling and unexpected experiences. This is particularly true when the addicted family member is unpredictable or abusive.
Families living with addiction develop dysfunctional coping mechanisms as the household is continually affected by stress, anger, fear and sadness, which disrupt family life and affect the ability of other family members to make connections with each other.
Children who live in an unstable home environment often feel overwhelmed, and many children develop unhealthy ways of dealing with it, such as by withdrawing, acting out or self-medicating their own pain and confusion with drugs or alcohol.
Children of addicted parents often develop anger and trust issues down the road, and they’re at a higher risk of developing substance abuse problems themselves.
Enabling and Co-Dependent Behaviors and Stinking Thinking
Family members of an addicted person often develop enabling and co-dependent behaviors as they struggle to cope with the addiction and the chaos and uncertainty it brings to the household. These types of behaviors can enable the addiction and prevent a loved one from getting help for it. The addicted family member and other family members may also develop some dysfunctional patterns of thinking that can make it hard for the family to communicate in healthy ways.
Enabling behaviors are those that directly or indirectly support a loved one’s substance abuse. Enabling behaviors remove the consequences of the addiction. Family members may enable a loved one in order to keep the peace, ensure the loved one’s safety or increase feelings of control in a situation that’s out of control.
Enabling behaviors include:
- Using drugs or alcohol with your loved one in order to keep an eye on things.
- Keeping your feelings bottled up to avoid upsetting your loved one.
- Accepting your loved one’s excuses for abusing drugs or alcohol.
- Telling yourself things could be worse.
- Protecting your loved one by minimizing the negative consequences of the drug abuse by excusing inexcusable behavior, bailing your loved one out of jail or taking care of responsibilities when they can’t.
- Going out of your way to make people think everything at home is fine.
- Feeling guilty when you aren’t able to prevent your loved one from having to face the consequences of the addiction, as though you should have been able to make it better.
Since enabling behaviors keep the consequences of the addiction from negatively affecting your loved one, he or she can keep abusing drugs or alcohol and remain in denial that the substance abuse is a problem. You, too, may be in denial about the problem or convince yourself that the problem isn’t that bad. Enabling behaviors are those that directly or indirectly support a loved one’s substance abuse. Enabling behaviors remove the consequences of the addiction. Family members may enable a loved one in order to keep the peace, ensure the loved one’s safety or increase feelings of control in a situation that’s out of control.
Codependence develops as you struggle to adapt to an increasingly dysfunctional family life. It leads to being so consumed by your loved one’s problems that you neglect your own self-care, hopes and desires.
Codependent behaviors include:
- Obsessively worrying about your loved one’s substance abuse and its consequences.
- Denial, or lying to yourself or others about your loved one’s substance abuse.
- Avoiding contact with people outside the immediate family because you don’t want to talk about the addiction or have to make repeated excuses.
- Reacting violently or irrationally to events related to the addiction.
- Engaging in unhealthy coping behaviors such as binge eating or shopping excessively.
- Basing your mood on the mood of your loved one, whose bad mood will ruin your day.
- Low self-esteem that results from putting all of your energy into your loved one.
- Aiming your anger toward your loved one at others, including the kids or pets.
Codependence can damage your relationships with your addicted loved one and other family members, and it lowers your quality of life even aside from the addiction.
Just because your loved one is in recovery and no longer addicted doesn’t mean that you will automatically stop these enabling and codependent behaviors. They can throw a wrench in your loved one’s recovery, so identifying and addressing them is essential for supporting your loved one after treatment.
Both individual and family therapy can help you identify and end these unhealthy behaviors.
Unhealthy thought patterns often develop with addiction, and family members, too, can develop harmful ways of thinking. Therapists often call these thought patterns “stinking thinking,” because they can make it hard for the whole family to recover. The most common ways of stinking thinking include:
Overpowering another’s point of view. You respond to another’s point of view in a way that challenges his or her confidence and limits lateral thinking. For example, you may say, “Only a moron would say that,” or “That’s a stupid idea.” This is an intimidation and control tactic that can shut down a productive discussion very quickly.
Jumping to conclusions. You interpret things negatively, even when the facts don’t support your conclusion. You may arbitrarily decide that someone is reacting negatively to you, or you may predict that things are going to turn out badly even if there’s no evidence to back up that suspicion.
Should statements. You think that things should be the way you expected them to be. For example, you think, “I should have been nicer to Dad at dinner.” These statements, when directed at yourself, lead to self-disgust, frustration and guilt. When they’re directed at others, they lead to frustration and anger.
Overgeneralization. A single negative event becomes an endless pattern of defeat. For example, a family member chides you for being late, and you say,
“I never get anything right!” Overgeneralization is characterized by using words like “always” and “never.”
All-or-nothing thinking. You see things in black or white: If something isn’t completely perfect, it’s a total failure. For example, an argument with someone leads you to believe that the whole relationship is a failure.
Labeling. An extreme form of all-or-nothing thinking, labeling occurs when, instead of saying, “I made a mistake,” you say, “I am a worthless loser.” These labels lead to low self-esteem, anger and frustration.
The Objectives of Family Therapy and the Stages of Family Change
High-quality addiction treatment programs put a strong focus on family therapy and other family programming to help solve problems at home, which are a major trigger for relapse. Stabilizing the family is essential for creating a calm, stable home environment that supports recovery. Family therapy helps families provide the highest level of support to their loved one in treatment while improving the family’s overall well-being.
Family therapy operates on the general assumption that when addiction affects a family, the entire family system needs to change, not just the person with the addiction. Family therapy helps families make interpersonal, personal and environmental changes that support both the person with the addiction and the family as a whole.
According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, the objectives of family therapy are to move the family from:
- Distrust to reconciliation.
- Guilt to forgiveness.
- Stress to strength.
- Frustration to understanding.
- Despair to hope.
- Sadness to support.
- Anger to peace.
- Conflict to agreement.
- Crisis to resolution.
Family therapy provides a safe, neutral place for family members to work through a variety of issues and learn how to adjust to the changes that recovery brings. A trained family therapist helps family members look closely at how they interact with each other. Family members identify whether they’ve conducted themselves in a way that’s hurtful or helpful. They learn how to modify their behaviors so that they support the needs of the person in recovery as well as the needs of the whole family. Families develop healthy ways of relating, talking and behaving with one another.
In some cases, a family has other issues that need to be addressed outside of the addiction. Often, these issues are hidden behind -or caused by- the drama and chaos that addiction and other mental illnesses bring to the household. When the addicted family member enters treatment, these issues may surface. Family therapy helps resolve these issues and repair damaged relationships.
Three Stages of Family Change
Families move through three stages of change during family therapy for substance abuse.
Stage 1: Attainment of sobriety
During the first stage of change, when the addicted loved one achieves a state of recovery, the family system is unbalanced and dysfunctional, but healthy change is possible.
Stage 2: Adjustment to sobriety
The family works together to develop a new, healthier system as they adjust to the changes sobriety brings. They work to stabilize familial relationships and the family unit as a whole.
Stage 3: Long-term maintenance of sobriety
The family develops and maintains a healthier lifestyle that rebalances the family system. A healthier lifestyle and better family functioning promotes ongoing sobriety for the addicted family member.
What to Expect in Family Therapy
Family therapy sessions typically last an hour. Before starting the first session, the therapist may ask family members to sign a contract to show they agree on certain behaviors, such as not interrupting.
During family therapy, the whole family meets together initially. The family therapist listens and observes while the family talks. The therapist asks questions to help guide the conversation and keep it productive.
Through watching the family interact, the therapist begins to understand how family members communicate and behave with each other. The family’s strengths and needs become apparent, and the therapist helps family members develop skills, strategies and techniques for changing their thought and behavior patterns and learning better ways to communicate their needs.
A family therapy session can cover any number of topics. Common topics include:
- Family concerns.
- How the family is feeling.
- A particular crisis that needs solving.
- The changes that have been happening in the family.
- How to deal with feelings of anger, resentment or sadness.
- Effective ways of communicating.
- Setting boundaries.
- Rephrasing statements in positive ways.
- Listening and observing skills that can prevent misunderstandings.
Sometimes, the therapist will give family members homework to complete before the next session. Examples of homework include doing a fun family activity together or watching for nice things other family members say during the week. These homework assignments help family members:
- Practice the skills and strategies they’re learning in therapy.
- Stay mindful of how they interact with each other.
- Practice new, healthier ways of behaving with one another.
During the course of therapy, the therapist may meet with different family members or groups of family members, and he or she may recommend extra help for some or all family members, such as individual therapy, anger management classes or parenting workshops.
A Family Therapist’s Credentials
Anyone who leads a family therapy session is specially trained and meets the legal and professional requirements as a family therapist. Family therapists are trained to be sensitive to the unique characteristics of a family regardless of its culture, race, ethnicity, sexuality or any other factor. A trained and certified family therapist will be respectful and understanding and won’t pass judgment.
Family Education is Not Family Therapy
Family education isn’t the same thing as family therapy. Family education is also offered through high-quality treatment programs and involves a variety of psychoeducational classes and workshops for family members. These classes provide information that helps families understand addiction and recovery so that they can better support their loved one during and after treatment.
Why Some Family Members Decline to Participate in Family Therapy
Sometimes, family members are reluctant to participate in family therapy for a variety of reasons. These may include:
Change can be scary, and some family members may prefer to have things stay as they are rather than risk the unknown. Family members may also be afraid of being judged or having to reveal family secrets.
One or more family members may be skeptical about the benefits of family therapy and think it a waste of time. Or, they may have tried family therapy before and found it unhelpful.
A family member may feel at a better power advantage leaving things the way they are. Family members who already feel powerless may feel that family therapy won’t change anything.
An individual may not trust his or her family members or a therapist and may be unwilling to speak openly with them.
Family members may feel embarrassed at the prospect of “airing their dirty laundry” in front of a stranger.
Family members may be tired of dealing with the addiction and the issues it brings up.
The therapist may meet with non-participating family members to identify the reasons why they’re resistant. The therapist may try to resolve concerns and explain the benefits of family therapy. In many cases, an unwilling family member will choose to participate eventually. Meanwhile, remaining family members can still get a great deal of benefit out of family therapy.
When Family Therapy is Inadvisable
In rare situations, family therapy isn’t recommended. It may be ruled out due to legal issues or safety concerns. Assessing carefully for violence in the household is also essential before beginning family therapy. In some cases, extreme domestic abuse or patriarchal terrorism can escalate with family therapy.
Unless all participants have a voice in the therapeutic process and can feel safe raising important issues -even if a domineering family member doesn’t want these discussed- therapy won’t be as successful as it should be.
Family Support is Central to Successful Recovery
According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, home is one of the four major dimensions of successful recovery. Home is the place you live, and it’s the people you live with. A safe and stable home environment is central to ongoing sobriety.
Family therapy helps families create that safety and stability through improved awareness and mindfulness and essential communication skills. In the process, family members repair damaged relationships, restore trust and learn how to interact with one another in healthy, respectful ways.
Family therapy is an important part of treatment, and what you learn in therapy is an important part of recovery for all family members. With the love and support of your family, your chances of recovery are much greater, and your overall quality of life -and that of the people you love- will improve for the long-haul.